Stressful.... Discouraged at times

Working so hard, for something you love so much is stressful..... but the worst is when you don't accomplish what you came for, which is supper discouraging.

I have a really hard time expressing myself and my feelings on my blog because I feel dumb doing so. The last couple of weeks, maybe even months, has been hard on my emotions. I love this opportunity I have to compete as a professional dancer. And, with that comes lots of pressure from family, coaches, friends and myself to do well. My practices means more to me. My time is really precious to me. Its weird to feel pressure during practice because everyone in the room stops to watch. Not just because we look good, but because they expect something amazing..... especially when our boss is always saying to new people that walk into the studio,

"they are professional, and we expect great things out of them" or

"They will be Professional nationals champions"....

when in reality I don't think this will happen and I feel embarrassed on the inside and discouraged to know the real truth. So, I guess I mention all of this because I have been super discouraged lately that I cant accomplish what I could as an amateur competitor. With that said, I have to remind myself that it took years for me to become an amazing amateur competitor and become UN-stoppable for several years in a row.... which lead me to a couple of amateur national titles.

Ok, I sound like a downer.... Really though, it has been rewarding as well. I have had fun traveling. But I guess that can be stressful as well. 

I have also been crazy stressful teaching. Its great being wanted as a teacher. It makes anyone feel good to be wanted. I teach a lot at the studio in SLC. I have all ready taught in two big boot camps.... one that my mom hosted for a week long and one at Orem High School. Im getting ready to go to Idaho for 4 days to teach up there, then when I get home teach at the Lehi High boot camp. Oh, then school starts.... and I will be teaching at the U and UVU. Wow... so much stress teaching and making sure I dont lead my students in the wrong direction.

Lastly, which has been one of the biggest stresses (lately).... is preparing for my ISTD Ballroom Theory exam. No one knows the stress that goes into studying for this test and the stress of taking it. I have to memorize the whole book! This is a first for me. I have to regurgitate everything by word and demonstration perfectly. At times I have become discouraged because it is a lot for my little brain. I felt better about things at the beginning of the week.... but after today, I am stressed and discouraged again! Lets just hope tomorrow goes better!